Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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