Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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