I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
