The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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