hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
