So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
