We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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