you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
