I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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