In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize