I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize