"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
