Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
