How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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