well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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