At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
