Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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