I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
