This dress was meant to end up on your floor
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
