hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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