im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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