U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
