if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
