He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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