Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
