i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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