Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
