Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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