and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
