my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
