how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
