the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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