Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize