last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
