well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
