I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
