I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
