Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
