she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
