so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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