I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
