FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
