Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
