we made out on top of his cat.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
being pregnant is like rehab
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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