My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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