she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
