I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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