THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
