I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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