I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
