Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
