this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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