i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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