I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
