when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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