So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
