Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize