lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
