If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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