if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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