Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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