we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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