Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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