I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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