The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
