Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
