come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
