the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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