two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
