if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
