so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
