they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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