Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
