I CAN MOONWALK!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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