I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
